Some people in suits and sunday clothes were walking around my neighborhood. Either political or proselytizers. I started thinking about the nature of God and all religions. William Blake's old poem, "All Religions Are One" is actually very true. In case anyone stumbling upon this blog hasn't noticed, I'm not much of a deist, and I think you'll find that most deist were left alone too often as children.
Moving along to my point about William Blake. The bible says we are created in God's image and I believe that there is an element of the divine in all creation. We are made in His image, but we are also born in sin, which means that we are not perfect and never will be, but only through our belief and faith in the divine, can we experience God. In other words we are finite beings, with infinite aspirations and the bible offers us some methodology for covering that gap. A big part of the original message is that God lives within us, not completely of course, but in some mysterious way our finite forms cannot completely comprehend. The divine spark, so to speak. The finite part, the imperfect part, or the "born in sin" part, however you might choose to view the issue, merely states that we are all different. We all experience God in our own unique way. Does that mean we need a seperate religion for each one of us? No, but it does help to explain the many faces of God, as if each culture has its own God, or correctly stated. Each culture reflects the same God in different ways, hence Blake's statement "that all religions are one."
Working my way through this you can see the seduction that Satan places in the path of this realization and the daily practice that follows. The Catholic church has placed doctrine before the Bible, in effect defining for a Catholic what it means to be Christian. The church in effect is spoon feeding doctrine in the mass and the profession of faith. There connection with God is through the church, and not so much directly with God. I can understand much of this when for centuries, the masses were more often than not, illiterate and needed to be told, or shown in pictures through artwork and the beautiful churches what the nature of God is. The direct path to God was taken away, which was a shame. The protestants brought this back, as did some Catholics in the form of the mystics like St. John of the Cross and St Teresa of Avila who both practiced a form of meditation that brought them to a transcendent experience with God. A direct experience perhaps. The pitfalls of removing the Church as the middle man in connection with God arise from human weakness. People who realize that issues of faith and moral authority comes from within, can confuse that message to serve their own selfish needs and pathology. Christian Science is an example of the hubris that can occur when Satan bends the ear of someone who has based their faith on reaction and pathology rather than an honest search for God. While it is true that organized religion is not necessary to be good Christian, the revolt against the abuses in the Catholic Church and corrupt protestant counterparts show how the reaction can be as wrong as the initial corruption. We are born imperfect, but we are born in the image of God, a paradox that cannot be solved by claiming we are God's perfect children. This perfection is not found in this life and any aspiration to be perfect is the Devil's own doing to draw us away from the message of Christ. It is a tough balance to maintain. Another ramble but I'll clean it up to make sense later.

This blog has become something of an exercise to clean up isssues in my own head and to just get my words going. I had a suspicion the other day that being a successful writer requires a certain level of self-confidence in the merit of your own work that could border on arrogance. Airline pilots come off this way, but they need to have a certain level of confidence to do their job. Women may not understand this, but some will see that the pilot needs to believe in himself, and it is difficult to believe in yourself only when flying a plan, and then to become a humble monk when the plane is parked. That level of confidence can easily infect the rest of the pilot's day, and the rest of his life. The balance. Ultimately there is nothing to balance. Not better than, but my best is damn good, something of a lead by example greatness to it. I never had the need to be arrogant but I despised those who were because I could never rid myself of their subterfuge when in the same room with them. Refusing to be anything that might be arrogant, I sold myself short too often. Let's just let it be called arrogance, even though I know that it isn't and write some more with the honest belief in how good it is. Talk about blowing our the carbs every once in a while.

I woke up this morning thinking rebellious thoughts, like a 10 year old kid forced to do something that I don't want to do,then I remembered. Between 4th and 5th grade I moved from a public to a parochial school. I fought the switch tooth and nail, I didn't want to switch, but when the school year started I was switched. I think sometime that year, I gave up, I stopped trying because trying was going along with something I didn't want to do. The kids were mean and I didn't stick up for myself though I was big enough. I stopped caring and in high school read too much Sartre for my own good. Funny how we identify with philosophies that confirm our own pathology. So much of philosophical conclusion is pathologically based. What I learned from Sarte was that we are placed in a meaningless life without a manual. Post WW2 France is all you really need to say to understand where he was coming from. I'm still rebelling. I was almost a teacher going back to school to rebel again. What a fucking waste, a reactionary life built sparked by a few years when I was a kid. I know I'm on to something from the jitters. Even though this means changing for the better, there is a sense of loss, a sentimental nostalgia for a way of life you knew. When you remove something that has affected your life, there is a void, and if you don't fill it with something positive, either the old stuff comes back, or something worse fills it.

write to give the world something, otherwise it won't get finished

I had it figured out in my head earlier today. The act of reaching a goal, any goal holds a meaning. Sometimes that meaning is fear. Do I take time to understand why it means fear, or do I just recognize that it is absurd and move through it's nothingness. It is nothing that I do not put there myself. As a kid there was a period of time when I was treated poorly by peers. My reaction was to divorce myself from being noticed, which can be difficult. As a I grew older, I oscillated between appreciating the attention and rationalization equating vanity with any act that might draw attention. I discovered that self-worth can only come from within. And used that as an excuse for gluttony. Any external source is facade. This last point seems false, but is true. Raising children, parents must be that source, but, I am speaking of matured indidviduals. Some judges can be trusted to judge truly our character and merit. If we know, do we need to be told so? Bah, don't confuse mentorship and guidance with an award. Rank means nothing. How could I forget. Coincidence of opinion does not equal veracity.
Constant movement when presence fails. There is always something to be done, even if it is only resting.
Circular resonance in a pond to avoid uncovering a fear I did not know I had. We become our deepest fear. It consumes us until we are no longer ourselves, but the reptile inside who knows only our fear and seeks to make the world over, into a place where our fear has a place. Loosing this fear we are lost without it, and refuse to let go, perpetuating our very own fishbowl, when there is the whole world. Swim away from it at anytime. Anxiety tells you're on the right track, or you're really lost. Always movement, maximum effort, a daring adventure, or nothing.
Easier said than done, I know.

This point needs to be elaborated, but, we must live as a deist. We must live as though God is disinterested in our fate. Only then can our choice be based on what is right and not on fear of perdition. In our hearts we know what is right and true. Following our heart will show us God's will, but it is our heart that we must follow. Does following our heart exclude God? No, God is our heart as our heart is God, we are made in his image, but we are imperfect, limited beings with infinite aspirations. The paradox of the human condition. Choosing to follow our hearts because we choose it to be the right thing is I suspect, God's intention for us.
Not to follow instuctions, not to avoid perdition, but to be good because we choose to. It's a free will issue. It's late and I've had a tough discussion this evening. Perhaps I'll return to this later.

If you take a long time to find "The One," you will face a number of relationships that will all be puzzles. Many of them will give you pieces to a larger puzzle that is discovering your ability to love. Some will give you nothing.
Lastly, you must know this or suffer. You contribute to every puzzle's problem, and in some way, shape, or form, you are part of the puzzle. The most critical thing to realize is that sometimes your only contribution to the puzzle is your presence, and the only solution to the puzzle is your departure. therefore, you must know when to say goodbye.
Failing to say goodbye is choosing to suffer the consequences of derailing each other's destiny, and postponing your own fate and happiness.

Thought is an illusion, there is only action.

The daily habit of pushing ahead, of chipping away at the stone whether it's aimless and pointless or purposefully toward a valid goal. This forms a habit of pushing through our fears on levels we are not consciously aware of. Our mind functions outside our immediate focus. These machinations are often more directly influenced by habit than conscious decision. Consider the percentage of outcome that depends on the auto-pilot of habit versus conscious selections to act. Conscious selection creates habit and this moment's action. Habit contributes and if no choice is made habit defines. I wish I would have known this when I was young. “What would it take today, to be the man I know I can be?” A good daily question.


My last angel is still with me, as are the ones who protected me in the past. Sometimes I wonder why people were saved, Some are saved to be the puppet of bad habits, the temptor's puppet. I should read Screwtape again, John Cleese does an excellent audio book. An excellent read paired with De Profundis.