I had it figured out in my head earlier today. The act of reaching a goal, any goal holds a meaning. Sometimes that meaning is fear. Do I take time to understand why it means fear, or do I just recognize that it is absurd and move through it's nothingness. It is nothing that I do not put there myself. As a kid there was a period of time when I was treated poorly by peers. My reaction was to divorce myself from being noticed, which can be difficult. As a I grew older, I oscillated between appreciating the attention and rationalization equating vanity with any act that might draw attention. I discovered that self-worth can only come from within. And used that as an excuse for gluttony. Any external source is facade. This last point seems false, but is true. Raising children, parents must be that source, but, I am speaking of matured indidviduals. Some judges can be trusted to judge truly our character and merit. If we know, do we need to be told so? Bah, don't confuse mentorship and guidance with an award. Rank means nothing. How could I forget. Coincidence of opinion does not equal veracity.
Constant movement when presence fails. There is always something to be done, even if it is only resting.
Circular resonance in a pond to avoid uncovering a fear I did not know I had. We become our deepest fear. It consumes us until we are no longer ourselves, but the reptile inside who knows only our fear and seeks to make the world over, into a place where our fear has a place. Loosing this fear we are lost without it, and refuse to let go, perpetuating our very own fishbowl, when there is the whole world. Swim away from it at anytime. Anxiety tells you're on the right track, or you're really lost. Always movement, maximum effort, a daring adventure, or nothing.
Easier said than done, I know.