Loving again.
When you walk out of hell, you're surprised. Surprised that the world is really a different place than you thought it was, surprised that love isn't what you thought it was, surprised that being friends means never speaking to someone again.
Can I love if it isn't broken? I have before, then I can again. There is a real contact, a connect. I have been disconnected, trying to make things work with broken souls, in the name of trying to help them, in the name of passion, in the name of healing myself. All bullshit. I can. My son was injured and my heart exploded to see him in pain, to worry about what might have been. He's ok, but the scare, the doctor's reassurances and advice to go easy for a week. I am connected, this world is real, I can love, I do love.
With her, the love is an adventure, intimacy is not the diversion it once was. It is now mainlining. A tonality so different, it feels alien. I am lost, nothing I knew works here. My experience gives me some movement, but it's like swimming through a world with different laws of physics. To a bird flying a thousand feet in the air, he is walking on solid ground. I see things I knew only as shadows. What an adventure love is.