I woke up this morning and while laying in bed, I thought about my solitary habits and realized I was pretending that this was a virtue. I hide behind it. As strong a person as I am, I am afraid of what people might inflict, so I avoid them. This cost me so my friends, my life, my relationships, all in the name of some confused notion that being solitary is a strong point.

But there is another level. People inflict nothing on me that I do not allow them to. Without my implicit cooperation, they can't touch me.
Damn, that still leaves me solitary and isolated, defending myself from a hostility. Why is the hostility there?
I bring it out, I put it there, I invite it.

Without some need or drive to have hostility in my life, it would never rise to the level of requiring my cooperation, peeling away the layers of an onion, there is some conviction that started it all. Otherwise why would I walk through the world contemplating that people are hostile, because they were at one time very hostile to me. Somehow I created this. I am short on time, I will have to examine this later. Conveniently so.

This is an enourmous structure.